Lily Norine Allred is here...

The days, weeks, and months of waiting have come to a wonderfully eventful end. Throughout the pregnancy, joy and excitement have been countered by a sense of nervous anticipation of the unknown. Though we couldn't wait for Lily to arrive, there was a strange comfort found in the fact that we had many more tomorrows to prepare for her. Those tomorrows ran out rather suddenly on Friday June 29th.

Let me start by saying...I have been trying to keep up with my sweet wife's nesting instinct for the past few months. I have received honorary degrees in house painting, gardening, landscaping, construction etc...and am available if people are hiring. It's actually been a wonderful thing to work side by side with Kenz as we have prepared a safe and comfortable new space for Wyatt, Sky, and Lily to come home to. You'd think however...as we approached our scheduled delivery date (7/2/12) that Kenz would heed her husband's council with regard to preparing her hospital bag. You'd think so...but you'd be wrong. For some reason she always got distracted doing something else...and she paid for it.

To catch everyone up...we moved to the Sandy/Cottonwood Heights area of Salt Lake County in early May. It is the PERFECT location for us as we are now very close to Primary Children's Hospital and the other necessary facilities as well as very dear and helpful family. We have settled in well...and I am amazed at the ability Wyatt and Sky have displayed as they've adjusted to the new environment. They are my heroes!!! We've made the home ours...and have come to feel comfortable about the space Lily was to come home to.

About a week and a half before our scheduled delivery date (7/2/12)...we found that Lily had flipped and was now breach. Because of her condition...our OB determined it was the best idea to plan for a c-section and hope she flips before delivery. Kenz was bummed. She was scared...and did not want to have a longer down time than what she would normally have with a vaginal delivery...but as we have been reminded all too often...LIFE HAPPENS...and you simply have to adjust the sails.

Thursday night (6/28/12)...we spent the entire evening out doing yard work. I told Kenz she should rest...but if you know her...well...let's just say...we spent the entire evening out doing yard work. She felt great. The next morning, we drove up to Ogden early to help Kenzie's brother move their things into the U-haul for their move. Just as we were finishing up...Kenz came to me and said, "Corb, I think we need to go to the hospital," "Are you serious? Why?" "I'm bleeding a little." I immediately reverted to my training and advanced paramedic skills...and FREAKED OUT!!! Just kidding. I was calm as a summer's morning...I simply forgot how to think, speak, talk, drive, lost all bladder control, and developed a nervous twitch. I was fine. We called the OB, he told us to come right in...and we didn't argue. Anyway...good thing was...Kenz family was there. So I gave Kenz a blessing with her dad and brother, and we left the kids with Grandma...and headed for the hospital. It was a LONG drive. I'll forgo the minor details and say...she was ready to deliver. Despite the plan...Lily wasn't going to wait. Kenz sailed through the c-section. She didn't even require anaesthesia and did it standing. Just kidding...it was crazy. I assisted with some c-sections in paramedic school...but it's different when it's your sweetheart. We wanted it to be gentle...it wasn't...We wanted them to pull the baby out through her belly button so there wouldn't be a scar...they didn't. But they did an AMAZING job. Kenzie's stomach still looks sexy...she still has a six-pack...it's just missing...and they put in staples that match her belly button ring and my nipple rings. It's perfect. Ok...we don't have body piercings...but I've been sitting in a hospital for a few days and I'm slowly losing my mind. Anyway...Lily joined the world at 4:33pm on 6/29/12. She was so tiny and beautiful. 4lbs 11oz and 18.5in. Sadly...they took Lily for assessment before Kenz even got to see her. Kenz had to go to recovery and wait almost 3 hours before even getting to touch her. Let me just say...Lily is perfect in every way that matters!!! Seriously...just perfect and gorgeous and everything we could ever want in a little girl and more. I got to spend a lot of time alone with her during the first few hours of her life as she was already so strong...never needed oxygen...just calm...and content...and sweet as can be. Lily told me that I was her favorite and that she'll always be a daddy's girl...but Kenz doesn't believe me. I told her that it's because I was the first one she saw when she opened her eyes...so she thinks I'm her mom. Just kidding...but it was REALLY hard on Kenz. Kenz is the most nurturing and affectionate mother on the planet...and not being able to be with her baby is something no mother should ever have to endure.

A few hours after her birth...Lily was brought in to Kenzie's room...Kenz held her little hand for about 2 minutes...and they whisked her away to Primary Children's. I was able to go...but Kenz had to stay. It was awful for her.

Now...there were no surprises. She had a very large opening in her spine at around L3/L4. Very little leg movement or motor function below the hips. We are ever hopeful...but are resolved in the reality that she may never know what it is to walk. However, miracles can a do happen. I mean...she's here...and that's a miracle in and of itself.

She rested comfortably through the night after family came to visit. The corrective surgery was scheduled for the next morning. It was a long and anxious night. At about 2am...though Kenz felt HORRIBLE...she couldn't stand not seeing her little girl. So she braved the pain, nausea, and vomiting, and made me wheel her over to the NICU at Primary's...where she finally got to hold her (kind of) on her lap...as Lily laid on her tummy on a pillow. It was magic to get them together...and I stood in awe of my two girls...loving them both more than words can express...and idolizing them as the examples they both are to me.

I will write again soon about the surgery...and what's happened since. But I'm tired. All is well for now...and we love and appreciate you all for the support and caring. Keep the prayers and positive thoughts coming. They are working.

Blessings All Around

It has been a while since my last post. However, the reasons for such could not be more of a blessing to our family. Let me back up...

I want to start by again thanking those who have been helping us during this time of transition and trial. From the bottom of our hearts we thank you for truly making our burden light...to the point where at times...we cannot even sense it at all. Many have taken so much of the load off our shoulders...that the confidence and peace we feel now...far surpasses what we've ever felt at any point in our lives. I wish I could thank everyone personally, for your prayers, kindness, and selfless service and donations. One day...God willing...we will have the change to thank you face to face.

We have successfully moved our little family north...to be closer to much needed family and the necessary hospitals and facilities. However, before we moved, McKenzie's brother Sam and a few of our dearest friends in Cedar City, Derek and Rob, threw one of the most impressive and touching fair well fundraisers we could have ever imagined. As many know...we are BIG into climbing. So...what could be more appropriate than not one...but TWO surprise climbing competitions with all proceeds going to our little girl's future!!! It was INCREDIBLE!!! The turnout was overwhelming and the love and support our friends and family showed us was something we could never have imagined. It was a HUGE success, and the support shown and funds gathered will go far beyond any monetary value...they will be a page in the book of our little girl's life. She will know how much she was loved.

We packed up the house...and the day to load the truck came. It was bittersweet to say the least. We were leaving our first real home. We were leaving some of our dearest friends. We were leaving...to a future that was not as clear as we might have imagined a few months ago. But, we were ready and willing to tackle all challenges...and were shown so gently...that we would NEVER be alone...we had an army at our backs to help us along.

Speaking of armies...the morning we loaded the truck...an entire battalion came to help. We have come to learn that you cannot put limitations on the amount of kindness and charity good friends can show you. We had the truck completely loaded and the house completely empty in under 2 hours!!! I felt like I didn't even do anything!!! Buddies came from as far away as St. George just to move a few boxes!!! It was hard to leave...but I know with all my heart that our lives were graced at this time by the family and friends we have for a reason. I can't express it with words...so I won't try. Suffice it to say...we love you all...and could not be more thankful and indebted to you.

We moved into our new place that same day...and again were met with the help of dear family, old friends, and new ones. We were moved in in no time. We even had a frozen pizza and some lemon bars in the fridge (provided by our dear family friend and visiting teacher). The support and kindness continues.

I have been able to secure employment through the fall that we so desperately need...and pray for additional blessings to come. I know they will...as the prayers of so many are reaching heaven in our behalf.

We are settling in and finding ourselves more in love as a family than ever before. I am convinced that when trials come...you can either pull together...or pull away. We have been sealed in every way and that has given us strength. And though our little family can take a lot...whatever we cannot carry...is being supported by the family and friends surrounding us...and a loving Savior and Father in Heaven so acutely aware of us.

All is well...and if things go as planned...we should have a new little addition in early July...let's have a parade:)

Incredible Support...

Kenz and I cannot help but feel overwhelmed by the uninhibited goodness in people. We have seen first hand over the past few weeks the profound impact the sharing of time and talent can have on a family in need. We have seen our little girls fund raiser...which began as a simple but desperate petition for help void of any real expectation of success...bloom into a unified accomplishment of immeasurable proportion achieved by so many seen and unseen angels in our midst. Our goal, a lofty one, is in reach and becoming more of a reality each day as the story of our little girl reaches so many. We feel our lives, no matter how we have lived them, could never have been so full such that our reward could warrant such tender love and compassion. We know where much is given...much is required...and we have never felt so indebted to our God, our family, and our friends. The events of recent weeks have contributed to our resolved opinion that we will forever be playing "catch up" in our attempts to pay all of these things forward...but we will.

On March 20th, some very dear friends in Provo...Emily, Sarah, Rachel and friends...threw a charity concert in their home. The talent was incredible as we watched the performances via Skype. Emotions were very close to the surface as we saw familiar and unfamiliar faces join together for a common cause. Bands played...voices and instruments rang out...and perhaps it was just the intimacy of the occasion...or the kind and loving nature of those in attendance...but this concert could have taken place in the most formal and grand venue in the world...but it would not have been more powerful or special to us. It was amazing an amazing success in every way.

Just yesterday on April 14th, one of my best friends and mentors...Cory Mince...put on a charity .22 precision rifle tournament in Springville. He is one tough guy...Iraq War combat veteran, recipient of a combat purple heart...a warrior in every way and one of my heroes. But his heart is tender when it comes to his friends...and he put every bit of it into this event. Over 30 competitors braved the cool weather, the wind, and the rain...to join their brothers for a common cause. As I shot shoulder to shoulder with them...mostly strangers...I was so humbled by the fact that many traveled long distances to support my unborn daughter. It was an incredible success and I could not have been more impressed with these men. Friendships were forged from a common interest and strengthened in the common good...and I look forward to rubbing shoulders with them again...perhaps even outshooting one or two of them someday:) We may only have a few things in common...but if I can emulate even a fraction of their kindness and support for others in need...I will be a far more confident man when I meet my God again.

I can't thank everyone enough...and I can't possibly thank everyone who has helped us in as personal a way as I would like. But please...please know that we are doing wonderfully well because of each of you. We are nervous and anxious for her arrival...but it is excitement that we feel as we look forward to the day...excited to meet her, to care for her, to love her...and to tell her about you. The light at the end of the tunnel is nearly blinding in it's brightness and luster...and though the darkness comes...it ALWAYS goes and we are ever confident in our ability to rise to any challenge. We are not alone...so many of you have made that clear.

Words Of Encouragement...

Corbin and I can't believe it has been a whole month since our first ultrasound at 19 weeks when we found out that there might be something wrong, and 3 weeks since we found out that our little baby has Spina Bifida. For me it feels like its been so much longer than that. I guess that is because so much has happened in such a short period of time. Our "plan" to have a baby, move to Oregon, and for Corbin to start the PA program at OHSU have been put on hold...well at least 2 of the 3. Our little baby of course is still on her way, just not as we expected. We have had time to process a lot during the last 3 weeks. Going from shock to fear and now back to the excitement of having a baby girl.

My biggest fear now is not having a baby girl with Spina Bifida, but having a baby girl that will have to go through so much during the first few hours of her life. I'm trying to take things one step at a time and not think too far beyond that. Well, last night Corbin and I went to Primary Children's Hospital to the Spina Bifida Education night. We got the opportunity to hear from some incredible people. After the speakers, there was a Q&A portion where we learned so much from the questions that other parents who had kids of all different ages asked. When the workshop was finished we talked with several other parents. I can't tell you how encouraged and inspired I was. Although I didn't make it through the night without shedding a few tears, it was a different feeling to be surrounded by other mom's who knew exactly how I was feeling and what I was going through. When I expressed my fears about having our little girl only to have her immediately taken from me to go into surgery, I knew that there were others who had experienced this as well and survived it. One cute mom told me that it is the "worst part of the best day". I know that it will be the hardest thing I have ever done as a mother. But I was given the advice to focus not on the surgeries (as there will be many) but on the outcomes. Still I can't fathom how I will cope with recovering from a c-section when I want to comfort my small and helpless infant. How does anyone do it? They do it because it is the only thing they can do. Put all of our trust in the Dr.'s and nurses to take care of our babies. And now I have peace in my heart knowing that at least Corbin will be here in Utah, instead of Oregon. I know I will get through it because others have....and have lived to tell the tale. I made some great connections and learned so much. I have learned that we will be better for it because I see it in the parents I met. They are loving, compassionate, and strong people. I only hope I can live up to the task.

I haven't had a chance to blog yet so I apologize to those who were expecting a beautifully composed "Corbin Blog". Don't worry, he'll be back!

Kenz...

I thought my wife and I were close. After 7 years of marriage and two children with one on the way...I thought we were really tight and had things figured out. I knew I admired her more than anyone I've ever known...and that my time with her was more precious every day...but let me tell you that up until a few weeks ago...I hadn't even scratched the surface of my capacity for loving her.

It has been an honor to be by her side through all of this. Her strength rubs off on me...and I find that the more I'm around her...the more I like myself. She lifts me up...and reassures me in every way. Though outward appearances might lend themselves to the perception that I am the strong one of the pair...let me be perfectly clear...her quiet and tender disposition compliment her stalwart and courageous spirit. She represents all that is good and wonderful in this world...and as I have the privilege of watching her every day...I am in awe. I can never be worthy of such a companion...but I will spend my life trying to earn her regardless of the fact that every moment I'm with her...I fall deeper and deeper in debt. She is so much better than me...and our future challenges will be met with the incredible resolve of a wonderful wife and mother...the most wonderful.

I suppose only men who truly adore their wives and love them in a way no words can describe can really understand what I mean here. I just want everyone to know how I feel about my sweetheart...so that everyone can see the team that we are...and will forever be.

A big thank you to everyone who is helping us...just wanted you to know that we're up to the challenge...

Just hoping I can keep up with her...

Too Happy to be Sad...

We can't help but be overwhelmed by the outpouring of support from family and friends. Ever since we received the news, many have come to our rescue desperately wanting to help in some way. That's when some of our loved ones suggested we start a charity donation fund in our little girls behalf. Because of our pride...and the excuse of not wanting to "burden people" we were hesitant to open up our lives and our need to everyone we knew. We had always been so sufficient, so capable. For the most part, we had always found ourselves on the other side of things. But now...without work...beginning graduate school with the hopes that loans see us through...we found ourselves falling short in many ways. Realizing, through the gentle persuasion of those closest to us, that this could be a means to get the help we so desperately need during this difficult time, we moved forward with the idea...nervous of how we as parents would be perceived. We did it in the humble hope of providing our dearest family and friends a means to help our little girl...help her in a way that we cannot under the current circumstances. It is particularly hard for me, as a father, to admit to myself and others...that I'm not in the position to give my little girl what she needs. I know I will get there...but I am not there now...and stepping aside and letting others do what I cannot...has been challenging. However, I can say from the bottom of my heart...that I am forever changed.

Never, and I mean NEVER, could we have imagined the magnitude of goodness that exists in the hearts of those we call family, friends, and even strangers. There is a kindness and love in every corner of this world that trumps even the darkest evil, sadness, or pain.

May everyone who has helped us so much find all the blessings they stand in need of. I have never in my life felt that God is so acutely aware of us. I know He knows us...personally...but as I've spent more time on my knees than on my feet over the past few weeks...I have felt His presence...felt His reassuring hand on my shoulder...

Thanks to Him...and thanks to all of our family and friends...we can and will do this...

My dear friend and fellow writer Wes Stephenson wrote this poem. He too has a daughter with very special and wonderful challenges...

THE PITIFUL EAGLE

In the thick southern forests I used to call home
The eagle flew proudly, the sky was her throne.
'Was there 'neath a pine tree I watched as she soared;
The master of skills I’ve always adored.

She trimmed to the breezes for effortless lift,
To float like a kite on the string of her gift.
Her eyes caught a movement, at once she descends;
Then, clutching her prey, she returned to the winds.

As I sat in that forest, impressed by the sight,
A duck waddled up and he quacked with his might:
"I pity those eagles, I'm sorry for them;
Those handicapped bird-brains, they can't even swim!

Their toes look so funny, no webs on their feet;
Compared to us ducks, those birds aren't complete!"
The duck waddled off just as quick as he came,
When in flew a robin who started the same;

“I pity those eagles; it’s such a sad thing,
Those handicapped bird-brains, they can’t even sing!
Such squawking and screeching, why can’t they just ‘tweet’?
Compared to us robins, those birds aren’t complete.”

The robin flew skyward, I sat and I stared;
For fowl-mouthed opinions I wasn’t prepared.
The duck and the robin both tended to find
The lacking in others, and so they were blind

To all of the virtues the eagle displays,
Her strength and her beauty, so worthy of praise.
I learned then a lesson that reaches so far;
Forget other’s limits, just see what they are!